carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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