You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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