Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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