I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
