My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
