Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
