If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
