He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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