when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
