I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
