sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
