IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
