I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
