my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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