cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
