I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
