New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
