awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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