This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
