The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
