i was born a porn star she said
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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