hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
