yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
