I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
