I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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