where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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