if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
