I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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