just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
