I hate your face
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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