So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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