youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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