ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
