new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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