why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
