He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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