I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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