Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
