First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
