What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
