dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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