i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
