Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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