toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
