That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
