I cannot find my penis.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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