They should really pass out barf bags in church
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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