WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
