porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
