My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
