I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
