Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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