so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
