Are we in a gay sports bar?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
its liver damage thursday
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
