I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
