East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
