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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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