i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
