They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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