3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
