home. puking in laundry basket.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
