In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize