Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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