Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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