So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
