I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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