He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
