Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
