I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize