I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
