also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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