Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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