you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
