She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A+ Viking dick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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